if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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