...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
