After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
