Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize