If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
