Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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