I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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