yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
