Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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