Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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