I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
