Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
