He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
