I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
