he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
