He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
