yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
