i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize