Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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