There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
