k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
