True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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