sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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