I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
