I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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