Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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