Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
