Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
