I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
