Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and you said cock pushups were impossible
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
