Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
