Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize