Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
