I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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