ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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