$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
