I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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