Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
