Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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