I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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