you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
