im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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