Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
