Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize