Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
