the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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