I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
