i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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