Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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