I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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