somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
