1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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