I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
