We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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