so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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