i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you had me at cake vodka
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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