I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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