i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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