i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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