I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
