Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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