He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
