i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
