: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just high enough for therapy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
