does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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