He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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