so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
