she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
