fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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