too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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