I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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