things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
