why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize