Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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