ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
