I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
