My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
