I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
