Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
