I'm gonna have a badass scar
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
