my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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