Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
