Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
