Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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