I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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