It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A bitchslap is in order.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
