I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
