I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
