so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
